10 Unconventional Ways I Prepared for Pregnancy
As a women’s mentor and birth doula, I had my fair share of conversations about pregnancy before it was my time to be on the journey. However, when it was nearing my time, I found myself preparing in unexpected ways. Some I chose, and some chose me. While I thought my journey of preparation would include foods, micronutrients, sleep, exercise, avoiding toxins and the other checklists items I had been taught, I found my journey to be ultimately more unconventional. Perhaps these have worked for you too, in pregnancy or in preparations for other moments of transition in life, or perhaps they will change the way you think about preparation for your next transformation. Either way, they felt unpredictable and now looking back, essential, for my journey. I write to you now, from my 19-week pregnant body, where I started looking back at journals from the years and months that led me here. Here’s what I found.
1.I read poetry and myths.
Poetry and mythology have been a place where I make sense of the indescribable. I have spent many years learning to listen with my soul, and not so much with my mind, and letting the stories move through me in a way that makes sense of the mysteries of life. I started with many readings of Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, and moved on to other myths from my heritage and to myths that have been translated to relate to the mothering and birthing process such as those in Ancient Map for the Modern Birth by Pam England. Myths gave me confidence, hope, encouragement, and patience to know that my body will answer the calling when it is time. I know myth and the energies and characters in them will continue to be my teachers, guides, and lights in the dark.
2. I started connecting with my spirit babies.
Spirit babies are spirits who connect with us in this lifetime who may or may not choose to come in human form. Emily Greene writes beautifully of this in A Cosmic Bond. The first time I connected with my spirit babies, it felt awkward and I questioned what was happening. I felt a strong calling to become a mother in a way I hadn’t felt before, it was like my intuition was telling me to get pregnant. This calling felt loud and almost demanding. I’ve heard some people describe this as the “light switch” moment, when all-of-a-sudden they want to be a parent and maybe hadn’t even wanted that before. I experienced it over three years ago, in the bathtub, as a moment of realizing that if I got pregnant at that point in my life, even though all of the external situations were not as I wanted them to be, I would accept it and be open to that journey starting. It wasn’t until years later that a friend offered me Emily’s book and work and I found others who were connecting and listening in this way.
3. I let go of thinking I knew how this was going to work. I became calm and safe.
As a long-time student of yoga. I returned to practices I trusted. I worked through The Luminous Self by Tracee Stanley. In one chapter, she speaks of the concept of AVIDYA - or misperception. It is the notion that we (think we) already know things, and it keeps us static in our way of thinking. These can be thought of as beliefs or even values. She states,
“[Avidya can] keep us in a cycle of repeating the same mistakes and learning the same lessons over and over. Avidya can take many forms, from believing that we are not worthy of true success in life to believing the earth is flat…When we are deep in avidya we might be presented with evidence to support something contrary to what we believe, and instead of pausing to investigate and inquire, we insist on seeing through our coloring on the windshield that already supports our belief about ourselves and the world.”
See, I had some ideas about pregnancy - what it takes to feel ready for it, how to get there, what in my life needed to change in order for me to feel prepared to bring a being into the world, what my body needed to feel like, eat, exercise like, in order to be ready. I also had some beliefs that have allowed lessons to come into my life again and again. Here are a few from my journal:
• I have to do things how other people have done them in order to survive.
• Other people have an easier time knowing what they want, how to get it, and how to be successful.
• If I worry about things, then at least I can plan for them.
• If other people are doing things that way, then that must be THE WAY that works.
So the antithesis of this came next - living the way I wanted to. I wrote in my journal:
“If I knew that things could and would work out for me, I could create whatever I wanted to. I would be more present and curious. I would spend my time studying, reading, writing, and making art. I would feel full of life and enjoyment which would rub off on my friends, my relationship, and my future children. I would feel calm and safe.”
From these, I created the mantras:
It is okay to feel calm and safe.
I can feel calm and safe.
I am calm and safe.
4. I started saying no, a lot.
I took so many things off my plate during the past years that it was painful. I gave away creations that came from my heart. I said no to “great opportunities” and to stability, and to anything that has me going it alone. I knew my previous lifestyle didn’t have room for the care and attention that I want to bring into a pregnancy, so it was no longer a fit. It was uncomfortable, and sad at times, but I knew this journey would require a level of space that I hadn’t ever created before.
5. I stopped trying so hard.
Okay, so this one might be a lesson I’m still learning, but I felt it strongly a few months ago in my yoga teacher’s class when she offered this prayer:
Prayer for Divine Trust & Surrender
“I release my grip on what I think should be and open my heart to diving timing.
I surrender my fears, my doubts, my impatience.
I let go of the struggle to force, to control, to push.
I soften into trust, knowing that what is truly meant for me will find its way into my life in perfect time, in perfect grace.
I open myself to the great currents of love that guide me, protect me, and lead me toward my highest good. I am held. I am supported. I am safe.
Through unconditional love, so be it.” - Emily Kuser
6. I moved states
Maybe I should’ve started this post with a disclaimer that I don’t necessarily suggest any of these practices. They are just what I have been called to do, and as stated, many have been uncomfortable at first. I knew a high-alpine environment with long winters was not the most beneficial for me and my health right now. I visited Oregon and stood on the coast, which was lower than the road, and I never felt so grounded. This state and town has gifted me with wonderfully supportive friends, a community that lives with the land, and spaces to participate in and feel held. For me, it was the creation of fertile ground.
7. I decluttered
One of the things that allows me to feel at peace and creative are open, beautiful spaces. For the first year and a half in Oregon, my husband, dog, and I were living in a tiny home with a total of four drawers and three cabinets throughout the entire home. It allowed me to consider each purchase, gift, and collected item that came into my life. For me, this was all mimicking the creation of intentionality and creating space.
8. I practiced physical yoga and qi gong daily.
I thought of these as the practices that I accumulated in my body to help me not loose myself. I practiced grounding, nervous system regulation, passing through overwhelm, physical strengthening, enjoyment, deep rest, and celebrating my body. I am beyond grateful to have these practices now in my pregnancy and beyond, they have taught me lessons far beyond words.
9. I designed my life as a prayer.
It took me a few years to design what prayer meant to me. It was a strange concept at first, but another calling along this journey. I started hearing the word prayer in many different contexts. Teachers of mine were bringing it up more and more, and I started to stumble my way through creating what prayer meant in my life. I resonated most with it being a way of living, instead of a prescriptive thing to say. It brought me peace to think of my yoga as a prayer for the body I get to inhabit, the way I clean the house as a prayer for the safe place I get to live, my breath as a prayer for gratitude for being alive, seeing a beautiful landscape as a prayer for the world I get to experience. A few months back, I wrote in my journal:
“The life I’m designing gets to be a prayer to myself and my future children.”
10. I created tapestries.
If you ask me to describe myself in one word, I would say ‘artist’. The way I love my friends, the way I design my life, and what I love to be surrounded by is all art to me. A medium I found deep teachings in is weaving. It still consistently asks me to stay present, and ask ‘what’s next’ without knowing the whole story. It embraces imperfection, and thrives on a loss of control. If the threads are too tight, the piece will cinch after it comes off of the loom. If it’s too loose, the threads will sink into each other. The loom seems to know if I am anxious and impatient, or lazy and distracted. It requires the kind of peaceful presence that I want to embody as a mother.
So somehow all of these unexpected practices have brought me here, walking my way towards hopeful peaceful presence. Something I strive to continue to find over and over again on my journey.
